For as long as I can remember I have said that someday I want to have kids; but I knew that you wouldn’t catch me saying “LET’S MAKE A BABY”. So I trusted that when it was meant to happen it would…& it did!
This blog is my official announcement that WE ARE HAVING A BABY!
I am going to share with you the funny story of how we found out, told our families, & the top 5 feminine power lessons this journey has forcing me to embody in the last 21 weeks…
(oh & I will be revealing the sex of our baby!)
FEMININE POWER LESSON 5: TRUST IN DIVINE TIMING
My sister Sabrina already has two kids so every few months she would remind me (& my other sisters) that she was ready to be an aunt. It was no surprise that on her birthday (Oct 16th), she was hopeful her wish was coming true. As usual, I informed her that this was not her year!
On Oct 17th, I sat down in the morning to work but my brain was flooded with the thoughts:
“YOU ARE PREGNANT”
“I HOPE I AM PREGNANT”
“YOU SHOULD GO GET A TEST”
These were unexpected & surprising thoughts for someone who has never had a “pregnancy scare” & would have said yesterday that kids were not in the near future. I was so confused by my excitement and I could not contain myself… I have to go get a test!
This was the first test I have ever taken so I knew nothing about how they worked. It had the most faint line in the positive section, you could only see in bright light so I thought it must be negative & threw it out.
The next day, I went for a walk with a friend who told me she was pregnant (I love how synchronistic this all is). She went on to tell me about how her first test was so faint but “they say if there is any line at all it is positive”. I acted all casual about that little piece of mindblowing information…
She basically just told me that I was pregnant!
(of course, I went home & dug the test out of my office garbage to confirm I did not make up that faint pink line)
That night, I told Burke (my partner) what had been happening, about my walk, & that we might be (or I am pretty sure we are) pregnant. We giggled in the mix of emotion, chatted about this hypotherical baby, & agreed to take another test in the morning.
Around 5am I woke up & had to get out of bed and take the test.
My heart raced. There was a part of me that knew that I was pregnant, and was confused by how much I wanted to be.
I read the instructions for the 10th time on how to take a test so I knew I was doing it right & a in a few seconds it was a clear, undeniable POSITIVE.
I ran to our room to wake Burke up. Honestly, didn’t know if I was going to be met with the same amount of excitement I was feeling. After all, his partner of 10 years has all of a sudden done a complete perspective shift on this whole having kids thing.
(He might need a few minutes to catch up)
He could feel me just sitting on the bed, looking at him. As soon as he opened his eyes to look at me, he knew.
We are having a baby!!
FEMININE POWER LESSON 4: Express Yourself Freely In The Best Of Times & The Worst Of Times
We told our families & most close friends within a few days. We were too excited to hold it in & why would we? It felt so good to get to be fully caught up in the tornado of excitement & unknown and to have the people we love the most get to frolic there with us.
(You guys know I am all about real communication, so if anything went wrong we would have been completely open with that as well)
Each & every persons reactions were perfect & added fuel to this new adventure. Here are a few pictures of the ways we shared the news:
Clearly, I was excited to tell my sister Sabrina, because little did I know just days before on her birthday, she WAS going to be an Aunt! At first, she thought this was some sort of sick joke or prank as I handed her a bottle of wine with this label…
You could see her teary excitement mixed with caution as she asked about 10x “are you serious?”.
My mom is a tea lover so I made her a tea with a custom tea tag.
(To have a mom become a best friend is a true gift. If I am 1/2 the mom you are, my baby will be blessed)
Between a mix of calls & sending this picture around to shock people with our news:
my cheeks were getting sore from all the smiles & laughter. Here were a few of our responses:
“you crazy fuckers”
“is Dharma having puppies?”
“we are having a baby too!”
& plenty of love, congratulations, & excitement.
I am such a public person so I was surprised (as you might be) that I did not feel the need to share this on social media until now. I think I was having so much fun running into people & getting to tell them.
I got a standing ovation for my baby from 200 people…
A few weeks later, I went to LA for a sexuality workshop with over 200 people & when we shared something with the room we got to ask for something from the audience. When it was my time to ask for something, all I could think of was how much I wanted to tell them I was having a baby & just to celebrate with me. The whole audience gave me & my baby a standing ovation.
& I received it!
I was loving this ride so far & did not expect the crash of the heavier expression that was coming around week 7. I resisted expressing what I was feeling because “this should be a happy time” & just yesterday, I was so excited.
But it is normal to have concerned when your life is shifting, it is healthy to express what you are feeling so that you can release them.
A few of my biggest concerns were:
• Will Burke still love me after all of this (even if I get crazy & fat)
• We have worked so hard for the relationship we have today & I was terrified that we were going to lose ourselves & each other in the process
• I was worried about being exhausted & burnt out again since I still felt like I was getting on my feet from this experience a year ago.
• I got thinking about the sexual abuse that I experienced & how there were somethings that I might not be able to prevent my kid of going though
• How am I going to work, take care of a baby the way I want to, keep intimacy alive, the house cleaned, & have time for me (I felt overwhelmed already)
& each day MORE & MORE worries fought for my attention.
With all of these thoughts & emotions spinning, no wonder I started to feel sick, exhausted, & sad.
Yes, the first trimester (& pregnancy) is known for this & of course hormones were playing a role here. BUT…these thoughts were not created because of that, they were apart of me before pregnancy, just out of my conscious awareness.
I attribute the ruthless force they were brought into my awareness with to pregnancy but I also thank pregnancy for giving me no other choice but to deal with & express these worries.
FEMININE POWER LESSON 3: Surrender & Accept
The first trimester was rough emotionally for me, which seemed to take all my energy & appetite with it. I kept fighting it, wondering when it was going to go away, & then experiencing more anxiety than I ever had in my life.
(I was convinced this feeling was never going to end)
I wanted to fight nature so bad but when I surrendered to this experience & accepted what was happening & took the pressure off myself, to be chasing the next business goal, to be keeping a perfectly tidy house, or eating like a goddess… it actually got more tolerable & my anxiety released.
Eventually, second trimester arrived & I started to feel like myself again but also grateful for the intense learnings of the 1st.
FEMININE POWER LESSON 2: Body Love
I know many women can relate to looking at themselves in the mirror only to notice how their belly or butt does not meet their standard.
When we change the perspective we are looking at ourselves with what we see changes!
Just like I did before, each day I would look at my self in the mirror but it was different. My “standard” changed, what I was looking for changed… I was looking to see if my belly was sticking out more, noticing how full my boobs were, & I noticing if my bum was growing.
Over the last few months, I have been rubbing & loving on my changing body. What I want to take with me from this experience is that if you don’t like what you see, change what you are looking for.
For months (& even now), the belly I have been growing could EASILY be mistaken for extra fat (there is likely some of that too) but I look at it daily with excitement & proud for someone to notice it.
(8 weeks-ish & hoping for a pop & now at 21 weeks)
FEMININE POWER LESSON 1: Using My Voice To Stand Up For Myself & Trusting What Is True For Me
I have been speaking & doing women’s empowerment work for years YET I will still have the experience of getting around “professionals” & feeling like I lose my power & knowledge.
I have been clear for years about my beliefs around pregnancy, how the medical system often takes women’s power away in pregnancy, & what kinds of experience I wanted to bring my future children into the world with.
BUT… to speak up for myself, confidently articulate my stance, & sometimes decline or respectfully disagree with my midwives & doctors opinion has been…a learning.
Over the weeks, I notice my confidence raising because pregnancy has given me a regular practice of this as well as the fierce protection of myself & baby during this beautiful time.
I know what my body is capable of…
I trust her deeply…
& I feel so grateful that I am given this opportunity to really release any discomfort with protecting my body & speaking up for what I need & will accept.
So…IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
With my amazing life partner, my sweet parents, & the aunt to be, I was completely surrounded with love for the ultrasound. Together, we got to clearly see babies entire body, the 4 chambers of her beautiful heart working perfectly together, & oops… I guess I just spilled the beans…
WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!
I would LOVE to hear from you in the comments below,
How has being pregnant or a mother helped you step more into your feminine power?
Not a mom yet? What was your favourite feminine power learning from this blog that you want to embody more?
& of course, I would love your celebrations in the comments below…
MAKE IT A GREAT DAY,
PS: if you want to see the LIVE ANNOUNCEMENT go here!